The Voicemail That Changed Everything

It is currently 2:46 AM, and I am in the truck right now on our way to go see my Aunt Robin for the first time in years. Years since I’ve had her in front of me with my eyes on her, being right there to get a huge, warm, suffocating hug from. And yes, I'm crying right now writing about this, because I’m so fucking excited and happy and scared all at once.

I’ve needed this for such a long time, and the fact that it took me this long fucking kills me inside. I was so wrapped up in myself and my addiction that I was okay with just talking to her and seeing her on the phone. And then I got sober, and my life went to shit. It had gotten to be too much for me to smile through anymore that I started to shut her out. Then out of nowhere I got a message telling me that my son isn’t happy with me anymore and that I needed to just sign the papers for him to go live with them. We had a huge fight about it, both said shit that we shouldn't have. We didn't talk after that for what felt like fucking ever.

Then one day, I texted her, "Are we done fighting?" and she came back with, "Are you done being a dick?". That day, I thought things were just going to go back to the way they were before. But they didn't. They got worse.

Next thing I knew, I was so fucking depressed, dark, and alone I tried something again that I regret every day. (I am getting help for that now—I'm not okay, but I'm okay). I was just sitting there listening to my voicemails, and one just so happened to be from Aunt Robin. From the hospital. She had been there for a month already. A MONTH. And I was just finding out.

She ended the message with, "I'm okay, I love you. Just call me back.".

That is the voicemail that was going to change my life. Just not in the way that I had thought it was going to.