With That Dark Storm Closing In, I Had a Choice to Make. And to Me it Was Clear. I’d Choose Him. I Would Always Choose Him

I've been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. And if that’s true for me, it’s even more true for my son.

The longest I had ever been completely sober back then? My pregnancy with him. 

That was it.

And as he was growing up, that's all he knew.

My drinking was so bad that I gave alcohol a special name just so he could understand that he couldn’t have it.

"Adult Soda."

I can still hear my own voice telling him when he was little. "No, Boog, that’s Mommy’s Adult Soda. That’s for grown-ups."

At the time, I told myself it was harmless. That it was just a way to keep him safe. 

But now? Now I see it for what it was.

I was already setting a bad example that drinking was normal. That it was something to be hidden in plain sight, excused, and explained away.

And as the years passed, he started to see it for what it really was.

He started seeing me for what I really was.

And eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore.

The fights got worse. And then, they just... stopped.

Not because things got better.

But because he stopped coming down altogether.

We still called, FaceTimed, texted. But it just wasn’t the same. I was losing him, I could feel it.

🔥 The Moment the Clouds Shifted

My boyo wanted to come back down!

But under one condition.

No drinking.

And who could blame him? He’s never seen me any other way.

I was drinking during that phone call. Hell, I had been drinking most of that day before he called.

But something about hearing him say it out loud, hearing the skepticism in his voice, it was like looking in a mirror, back to when I was his age, drowning in those same emotions for the same reasons.

But I refused to let history repeat itself.

I wasn’t going to let him down the same way I was let down time after time.

When I hung up, I just stared at myself in the mirror for a min.

It was as if those dark stormy clouds were finally shifting so I could see the light again.

Then it hit me.

I had a choice to make.

And the answer was crystal clear.

I turned, picked up my can, and poured the rest of my drink down the drain.
Actions. Actions are what he needs right now.

So I stopped.

No goodbyes. No last drink.

No promises.

Just actions.

🔥 The Night My Little Mans Came Down

It wasn’t me who picked Jonny up from the airport.

It was Chad.

Whenever Jonny came down, it was always him and Chad. Video games. Fishing. Hunting.

They were like two peas in a pod, inseparable.

And I loved watching the two of them together. It felt right. It felt like home.

But this time, it just wasn’t the same.

A whole year had gone by. And in that time, it was like they didn’t really know each other anymore.

Like somehow, without meaning to, they had lost the bond they once had.

When they finally got home, Chad gave me a kiss and said he was going to bed.
No catching up. No staying up late talking. Just… bed.

And maybe I should have let it go. Maybe I should have just told myself, "He worked all day. He drove almost four hours round trip. He was exhausted."

But something about it felt… off.

🔥 The Moment He Tested Me

When Jonny walked in, I saw it instantly.

He had grown taller. Looked older. But that wasn’t the real difference.
It was in his eyes.

They were watchful. Hesitant. Like he was bracing himself for disappointment.

Waiting, for me to prove him right.

For the first few hours, he tested me.

He watched me like a damn hawk.

He waited for me to slip up.

He searched for any sign that I had been lying.

But when he finally realized I wasn’t?

It was like he could finally breathe.

And just like that, it was like no time had passed.

Just like old times.

Talking. Bullshitting about random things. Joking around.

Except this time, he wasn’t a little boy anymore.

And as I sat there, listening to him talk, I’d catch myself staring.

I wasn’t looking at my little mans anymore.

I was looking at a young man.

🔥 The Day That Changed Everything

Jonny was agitated. Irritable. Something wasn’t right.

I could feel it.

He wasn’t saying much, and when he did, his words were sharp, clipped, like he was waiting to snap.

Then it happened.

Over a damn spider.

He had been trying to take a picture of it, and I did something—I can’t even remember what exactly—but it messed up his shot.

And he lost it.

Not at me. At the situation. At everything. He was yelling, but it wasn’t really at me—it was to me.

Trying to tell me without telling me what he needed.

Then, it finally happened. He broke down.

He ran to the bathroom, and I followed. And in between the sobs, he told me he didn’t want to go back.

He begged me not to send him back.

And as he talked, as he finally let it all come out, telling me how things really were, what he had been carrying alone all this time.

I knew I couldn’t send him back.

I held him close, and I told him, "If this is really what you want, then we’re going to talk to Chad, and we’re going to figure this out together."

And just like I knew he would be, Chad was on board.

🔥 The Phone Call That Changed Everything

I tried to call Brad, but as usual, he didn’t answer.

He never answered. Not for me. Not even in times like these when I had our son. 

And it boiled my blood to no end. But that’s a story for another time.

So I picked up Jonny’s phone and started calling from there instead.

Still no answer.

Then, a few minutes later, he called back.

His tone completely changed the second he heard my voice.

Angry. Cold. Dismissive.

Like just hearing my voice ruined his whole damn day.

But I ignored it. I wasn’t calling to fight. I was calling for our son.

I told him what was happening. Told him what Jonny wanted.

But he wasn’t hearing it.

AT ALL.

Instead, he threw the same tired insults at me.

"You’re a drunk. You always will be."

Didn’t matter to him that I had been sober. Didn’t matter that his own son was asking him to listen. Nothing mattered except what he wanted.

Then he said it.

"If Jonny isn’t on that plane tomorrow, I’m calling the police."

I took a breath. Didn’t even hesitate.

"Go right ahead. Because he won’t be."

And hung up.

I turned to Chad and said, "Well, I guess we’re going back to court."

And without hesitation, he mimicked it right back.
"I guess we are."

🔥 Later that Night…. When it all sank in

I called the police department here in our town to see what my rights were. What Jonny's rights were.

I had to be sure that nothing was going to come back on Jonny.
Or even worse me getting hauled off in cuffs in front of him.

We were moving a mile a minute trying to get everything started so we would beat Brad to filing in court.

Chad and I started looking up lawyers, filling out the petition to file in court.
We dug through boxes and boxes of old paperwork, pulling out every single custody document we had.

Once we got it all figured out, I looked at Jonny, I could see it in his face.

He was worried.

He Kept apologizing. Saying that he's sorry and that he didn't mean to make this such a big deal.

So, Chad and I sat down right next to him.

We looked him in the eye and told him:

"If this is what you want, we’re going to do everything and anything we have to do to make that happen."

Chad even started talking about selling his boat and the K5 if we had to.

There was no hesitation. No second-guessing.

We needed Jonny to know—without a doubt—that no matter what, we had him.
And nothing—And I mean NOTHING—was going to stop us from giving that boy what he deserved.